title: How Flunking A Programming Class Deterred Me published: true description: The reason I didn’t learn programming for years. tags: #beginners, #webdev, #career
Let’s rewind to 2004. I was a junior in highschool. I took an Introduction to Programming course, and dove in eager to learn how it all works. You see, the year previous I had taken a Web Design course and learned the fundamentals of HTML and CSS.
I aced that course and loved it. I think that was the moment that my love for software development began, but that love would soon be handicapped.
You see, my Introduction to Programming course was on the C++ programming language.
C++ was hard.
There were kids in my class that excelled at it, and watching them code made me shrivel up on the inside. I got left behind and eventually flunked the class. At that time in my life, I was still learning how I learn. I hadn’t mastered my ADD and mental health issues, such as depression. It wouldn’t be years later, as an adult, that I would be ready to challenge myself again.
Looking back, I should have asked the teacher for their time to cover the subjects a little deeper and help me make sure I was getting it. I know she would have, she was a great instructor.
I didn’t have the maturity enough for that. For me, I didn’t learn it naturally and that meant it wasn’t for me. I was ashamed, I felt inferior, and that feeling would stay with me for over a decade.
Failure with programming didn’t discourage me from pursuing a career in computers. I continued learning, focusing on what I perceived as easier stuff like hardware, networking, and repair. It didn’t deter me from making websites as a hobby either. I would create forums around my favorite hobbies, games, or shows using software like phpBB and Wordpress.
However, I always stopped at PHP and Javascript. I hit a wall and it was programming. I sought plugins for solutions, sometimes giving up if there wasn’t one. Never did it cross my mind again that I could just write my own if I put enough time and effort in.
I had shackles around my ankles and wrists, I couldn’t run at full speed.
I didn’t get past this fear until November 2018.
What let me break through it?
A cleaner bill of mental health helped, a lot. Also, I think my curiosity eventually overwhelmed my fear. In that, I asked myself a single important question.
“What do I have to lose?”
Nothing. Worst case scenario, I would come out understanding computers a little better. That would help me with my career as a PC Technician, troubleshooting and diagnosing issues.
Thus, I sat down and started the Web Development path on Codecademy.
Ever since that day, I haven’t stopped and will probably never will.
As a final note, I do plan on learning C++ down the road, just to get revenge against the sense of inferiority it instilled in me. For now though, I’m happy learning as much as I can about Javascript.